Happy Halloween, y’all! I recycled a costume from a few years ago…
Keeps ’em full, keeps ’em focused.
I guess today is UNOFFICIAL MINI WHEAT DAY! In case you’re one of the nut jobs who don’t understand my costume (“What are you?? Some sort of hairy face?”), perhaps this will refresh your memory:
I didn’t win the work costume contest. Some dick brought their baby and they won. Just kidding, they’re not a dick. Never mind, I’m not kidding, bringing a baby is totally cheating!
ANYWAY, today is National Candy Apple Day. Is a candy apple the same as a caramel apple? Caramel is a type of candy, so technically yes, right? But National Caramel Apple Day was on October 21… so I feel like a candy apple is something else (not that there is some STRICT food holiday naming protocol, but still). I feel like I’ve seen candy apples before… apples with a thick gross red shell on them or something? But I couldn’t find anything except caramel apples! So, twist my arm, I guess I’ll have to eat another caramel apple.
I ran into my friend Charlie at the grocery store… where I was buying nothing but a caramel apple. LOOK AT THAT DEDICATION!
Who knew that candy corn was such a polarizing issue?! I don’t think you can be indifferent about candy corn… either you love it or you hate it. It’s the autumnal version of egg nog (which I will celebrate on December 24!). I, for one, love both egg nog AND candy corn. I probably wouldn’t like either very much if they were around all the time, but the fact that they’re so seasonal really makes them more special and also… nostalgic, maybe?
I think that’s why we like a lot of things, or, at least, why I like a lot of things. Would I feel compelled to buy animal crackers (the ones that come in the box with the string, not those gross pink and white frosted ones with sprinkles on them) if I didn’t eat them when I was little? No. There are probably weirdos out there who buy the pink and white animal crackers because their mom bought them for them when they were wee, and I can’t fault them for that. We associate particular foods with certain events and stages in our lives and maybe we try to hold on to those memories by continuously buying foods that we would never buy if they were just introduced to us today. I can’t recall any distinct memories associated with candy corn, but I do seem to associate egg nog with Christmas at my grandma’s house. I think she buys it for much the same reason other people do (you’re “supposed to” buy egg nog for Christmas, even if no one asks for it), and I remember having a little cup of it every Christmas. I didn’t realize people put alcohol in egg nog (or that people make it at home instead of buying it out of the dairy case next to the milk…) until I was in college and went to a holiday party and got surprisingly tipsy off of what I assumed was plain ole’ egg nog.
I don’t know why I spent so much time talking about egg nog… now I’ll have nothing to write about on December 24. I guess I will have to write about Santa, instead.
Sidenote: Do you think they make oatmeal day right before Halloween make our hearts just a teeny bit healthier before we inhale pounds of fat and sugar?
I have a love/hate relationship with oatmeal. Here is me eating a bowl of oatmeal:
“This is delicious! I’m going to eat this every morning!”- me, digging into the bowl of oatmeal.
“Why am I eating this beige lumpy paste??”- me slogging through the second half of the bowl of oatmeal.
It’s good in the beginning, but then it’s like ughhhh when it this going to be over? It gets to the point where you’re chewing something that doesn’t need to be chewed anymore, but then for whatever reason you can’t stop chewing and then you have to consciously remind yourself to just swallow it already. Or maybe that’s just me.
I’m not one of those womenfolk who goes super nutso over chocolate. Do I like chocolate? You betcha! Do I like chocolate as much as a Cathy comic would make you believe? No. But no one really does, right? Are there ladies out there who like, would shank someone for a Hershey bar? No, right? I mean, yeah, I’m gonna eat chocolate if it’s there (because I’m not an idiot), but this whole FEMALES LOVE THEIR CHOCOLATE. AND THEIR WINE. AND THEIR CATS. AND OMG THEY BLEED FOR DAYS AND DON’T DIE is tired and old and annoying and I sort of hate it.
That said! I do enjoy a candy bar. And turtles (the chocolate covered nuts kind, not the creatures that carry salmonella). And pudding. And chocolate cake (with non-chocolate frosting). And ice cream. But I feel that this is a UNIVERSAL thing and not an ovaries thing.
Anyway, I hope everyone is enjoying the plethora of FUN SIZED candies that are inundating our lives right now. Did you know that in order to be called FUN SIZE they need to contain zero calories? Cool, right?
Potatoes! Who doesn’t love potatoes?? Baked potatoes, roasted potatoes, french fries, hash browns, home fries, mashed potatoes, smashed potatoes, twice baked potatoes, potato skins, potato chips, au gratin, scalloped, shoe stringed, potato pancakes, tater tots, potato salad (the best kind of salad?), boiled, potato soup, in pasta (helllloooo gnocchi)… basically, I’m to potatoes what Pvt. Benjamin Buford Blue (aka Bubba) is to shrimp. Except my family doesn’t own a potato farm so never mind. Let’s just say that I like potatoes. A lot.
I ultimately decided to make a baked potato because of the simplicity and to showcase the ‘tatoness. And because I was lazy. Now I wish I had made something more… photogenic. But the point remains: POTATOES RULE!
In addition to PRETZEL Day, October 26 is also Pumpkin Day and Mince Meat Pie Day. What is mince meat, anyway? I’M GLAD YOU ASKED, because I just looked it up! I knew it was meat in pie form (I’m smart!) but I DID NOT know it was SWEET. GROSS. I could maybe handle some bits of beef and a flaky crust. Uh, no. It’s “a mixture of minced meat, suet (raw beef or mutton fat), a range of fruits, and spices such as cinnamon, cloves and nutmeg.” Blehhhhh. It’s no surprise that this is a traditional British dish, is it?
Anyway, I’m obviously not going to eat a mince meat pie if I can help it, but I was also happy to avoid PUMPKIN day. Do I hate pumpkin? No. Do I love pumpkin? No. Pumpkin is just… there. I could live without squash in my life. I feel like people eat squash because they feel it’s AUTUMNAL and, therefore, necessary to eat. Squash is to winter what melon is to summer (which I will also avoid if I can help it). Pumpkin pie is fine, I will eat it (and I will on Christmas in honor of National Pumpkin Pie Day… which is annoying.), but it’s sort of babyish, right? It’s like, pumpkin baby food on a crust. It does not deserve to be called a pie.
Instead I chose to celebrate Pretzel Day! It was a low key celebration in my tiny kitchen, in my bathrobe, with a towel on my head.
As soon as I saw what day it was, I informed Bryce that we’d be going to Five Guys for dinner. I mean, the bag says it all: greasy! And delicious. You know how some people read tea leaves in tea cups? I can read grease stains on paper bags.
The first line of grease translates into “Oh my goodness, oh my dayum. dayum Dayum DAYUM.”
The second line of grease translates into “You bite the fry, the fry bites BACK! That’s when you know you have an official french fry.”
I think I’d rather eat another Chocolate Covered Insect than another Good & Plenty. I think I’d rather eat another Fried Scallop than another Good & Plenty. I think it’s safe to say that Good & Plenty are super duper gross. I ate one, Scotch taped up the box and will be sending them to my mom, the only person under the age of 80 to actually like black licorice. Blehhhh.
The Boston Cream Pie is not a pie! It is a cake! And it was created in 1856 by Armenian-French chef M. Sanzian at Boston’s Parker House Hotel! A Boston Cream Pie is a sponge cake filled with a vanilla custard, and covered in a chocolate ganache.
Remember that time I went to a million grocery stores looking for an Angel food cake and I came up empty handed every.single.time?
Here’s a dozen. Hrmph.
Anyway, I SWEAR I’ve seen Boston Cream Pies (full size AND mini ones too!) in the Safeway bakery section. Apparently I was having the same luck I was having on National Angel Food Cake Day. Ugh. What’s a girl to do?
We’ve all seen those annoying commercials, right? Where the ladies are on the phone talking about their diets where they get to eat key lime pie, strawberry shortcake and Boston cream pie, and the dopey husband overhears and starts rummaging through the fridge looking for the magical decadent desserts? And HAHAHA, joke’s on dopey husband, because his wife and her friend were talking about YOGURT the whole time! Haaaaa.