December 25: National Pumpkin Pie Day
 
Today was kinda a fail. First of all, I’m sort of peeved that CHRISTMAS is pumpkin pie day. Pumpkin pie? Really? Did Baby Jesus like pumpkin pie? ┬áNo, he liked frankincense. Does Santa like pumpkin pie? No, he likes cookies and milk. Either of these options would be more appropriate than pumpkin pie, because, really, no one likes pumpkin pie.
 
Around Thanksgiving I wrote a post on Facebook about how I think that one really likes pumpkin pie, they just eat it because they think they’re supposed to like it. WOW. Backlash! But I’m sticking to my guns: pumpkin pie is gross and people are brainwashed.
 
I’m in charge of PIES in my family, but I wasn’t about to waste a Christmas pie on pumpkins. I made that mistake on Thanksgiving. So I went to the store to try and find a pumpkin pie flavored thing. Except there wasn’t anything. Then I made my dad go through the McDonald’s drive-thru because I was CONVINCED I’d seen pumpkin pie on their menu. Nope. Apple Pie and “Holiday Pie” only. Then my dad backed out of the drive-thru, and we joked that people probably thought we were drunk… because, really, who goes to the McDonald’s drive-thru on Christmas, asks for pumpkin pie, then backs out when they say no?
 
Anyway, I had no choice but to drink (another) glass of egg nog in honor of Egg Nog Month. I’m sorry I’ve failed everyone.
 

 
Tomorrow: Candy Cane Day

December 24: National Egg Nog Day
 

 
I already celebrated nog once this year on National Roast Suckling Pig Day since there was no way I was going to eat Zuckerman’s Famous Pig, but nog is worth celebrating more than once a year. In fact, I think that’s why they give it the whole month of December.
 
Tomorrow: National Pumpkin Pie Day

December 18: National Roast Suckling Pig Day– or not.
 
So. When I started on this JOURNEY, I skimmed the list for things that would cause me trouble. For the most part, this means shellfish, raw meat, and things that looks like they were once alive. I know this is unfair. I am hardly a vegetarian, so I have no place shunning animal products. But, as a general rule, I hate meat that like, looks like meat. Meat with bones in it? No. Tendons? Stop it. Fish with heads on? Help. Ribs? Terrifying.
 
A MINIATURE PIG WITH A FACE?
 
suckling pig
 
No. Way. Jose.
 
Seriously, I would cry. I feel like a hypocrite because it’s not like I shun all pork products. (I will say, however, that unlike the majority of the world, apparently, I could easily give up bacon.) But eating a sausage smothered in spicy mustard feels a little different than staring into the eyeball cavities of a baby pig as you chew it slowly.
 
I’m a hypocrite.
 
Hypocrite or not, this wasn’t happening. But I didn’t want to QUIT by quest for glory. So I decided to look into what the MONTH of December as a whole celebrated. Lucky for me, December is ALSO National Egg Nog Month. So I headed to McDonald’s to try one of their egg nog milkshakes. Except their shake machine was broken. Neat. So I left and headed for Jack in the Box. Their shake machine was chugging along and they happily provided me with an egg nog shake.
 

 
Guys, this thing is obviously INSANELY bad for you, but it’s RIDICULOUSLY delicious. Probably more delicious than Babe: Pig in the City.
 
Tomorrow: National Hard Candy Day

October 30: National Candy Corn Day!

 

Who knew that candy corn was such a polarizing issue?! I don’t think you can be indifferent about candy corn… either you love it or you hate it. It’s the autumnal version of egg nog (which I will celebrate on December 24!). I, for one, love both egg nog AND candy corn. I probably wouldn’t like either very much if they were around all the time, but the fact that they’re so seasonal really makes them more special and also… nostalgic, maybe?

 

I think that’s why we like a lot of things, or, at least, why I like a lot of things. Would I feel compelled to buy animal crackers (the ones that come in the box with the string, not those gross pink and white frosted ones with sprinkles on them) if I didn’t eat them when I was little? No. There are probably weirdos out there who buy the pink and white animal crackers because their mom bought them for them when they were wee, and I can’t fault them for that. We associate particular foods with certain events and stages in our lives and maybe we try to hold on to those memories by continuously buying foods that we would never buy if they were just introduced to us today. I can’t recall any distinct memories associated with candy corn, but I do seem to associate egg nog with Christmas at my grandma’s house. I think she buys it for much the same reason other people do (you’re “supposed to” buy egg nog for Christmas, even if no one asks for it), and I remember having a little cup of it every Christmas. I didn’t realize people put alcohol in egg nog (or that people make it at home instead of buying it out of the dairy case next to the milk…) until I was in college and went to a holiday party and got surprisingly tipsy off of what I assumed was plain ole’ egg nog.

 

I don’t know why I spent so much time talking about egg nog… now I’ll have nothing to write about on December 24. I guess I will have to write about Santa, instead.

 

 

Tomorrow: National Candy Apple Day